Quotes by 100 Girls
Matthew: Y'know, I wonder why God equipped women with all the weapons for seduction. Rod: What do you mean? Matthew: Well, take the breast for example. You have the bosom, the areola, the nipple. I mean, those are three concentric circles. In other words, it's a bullseye! It's no wonder the breast is the target for all men. Rod: Wow. That's profound. Matthew: And men are grotesque. I'm not just talking about the little habits we have... [Rod starts cleaning his ears with his car keys] Matthew: ...like cleaning our ears with our car keys. I mean, we're grotesque to the core. I mean, look at the penis. The penis... it just looks like God had some left-over skin when he was making elbow, and He decided to slap it in our groin... Rod: Hey, get that outta here! It freaks me out, ok? Matthew: I mean, the penis is the first to shrivel when it's cold, it's the first to shrink in fear. The penis is a coward. It's a cowardly flap of left-over elbow flesh. Rod: Maybe you wouldn't think that way if you had a little of my Penile Power, baby
Matthew: I had learned something from Rod's groinular fixation. His horror really was my horror too. It was *every* man's horror. Deny it we may, but we are all afraid of women. Every single one of them. Time had run out. Finals were in a week. Soon, everyone would be leaving the dorms. And next semester, some would relocate to off-campus housing. If I had any hope of finding my kismetic destiny, I had to face my greatest fear. I went to the Virgin Vault, and I declared my love in front of 100 girls. I explained everything I had done for my kismetic destiny. My speech must be my Sistine Chapel, my Ninth Symphony, my Citizen Kane. My words needed to be more inspirational than Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech. They had to be more miraculous than Mark McGuire's 70th home run. I used impressive words like "soul mate," "destiny," and "yearn." It takes a big man to yearn. I poured my heart out.
[Matt tries to distract Crick away from Patty] Matthew: You know something, Crick. I was wondering. Do the bad guys of the world really know they're being bad? Or do the bad guys actually just think they're being good guys, when, in fact, they're just acting like sphincters? Crick: I don't know. You tell me, "smart guy!" Matthew: So you really think you're a good guy? Crick: Yeah, I know I am! See, you're the one who's trying to steal my chick! I'm the cool one! Matthew: Cool? Oh, that's another thing that just bothers me. I was just reading that one in six people in the world think they're cool. What is that? Like, a BILLION people are cool? That just can't possibly be right! If everybody's cool, then really, nobody is cool. Crick: You don't know what you're talking about, guy! Matthew: Look at you! I mean, the modern day media, the magazines, the TV. They show us what coolness is, so that you ponytail pretenders can go out there and buy coolness, thus fooling the weak-minded and unsus