We may give advice, but we cannot give conduct.
When you are done changing, you're done.
I am a mortal enemy to arbitrary government and unlimited power. I am naturally very jealous for the rights and liberties of my country, and the least encroachment of those invaluable privileges is apt to make my blood boil.
He is ill clothed that is bare of virtue.
Enjoy the present hour, be mindful of the past; And neither fear nor wish the Approaches of the last. Learn of the skillful: He that teaches himself, hath a fool for his master.
The rapid progress of the sciences makes me sorry, at times, that I was born so soon. Imagine the power that man will have over matter, a few hundred years from now. We may learn how to remove gravity from large masses, and float them over great distances. Agriculture will double its produce with le
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
If you want a neat wife, choose her on a Saturday.
Approve not of him who commends all you say.
Fools need advice most, but wise men only are the better for it.
For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.
Friends come in all sizes, take it from me! Golly gee, size doesn't matter, when you want some friendly patter from a pal who is true.
You need a touch of madness, just enough that you don't become stupid!
I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."
I enjoy performing for heavily armed people. It's easier than going to Georgia. Robin William
There's three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.
I'm history! No, I'm mythology! Nah, I don't care what I am, I'm free!
I was a serious method actor until I visited this site.
I left school and couldn't find acting work, so I started going to clubs where you could do stand-up. I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.
I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that.
Lance Armstrong pushes the envelope in terms of the human experience. You can have a personal best, you can push your own envelope. For Lance, the person pushing him is him. The only person he's competing with, I think, is himself. To push that limit to the next step. There's a lot to learn from him
I have no desire to go anywhere near drugs. People say, "Aren't you tempted?" No, because of the ridiculousness of it.
Terrible wars have been fought where millions have died for one idea - freedom. And it seems that something that means so much to so many people would be worth having.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.
In the dictionary under redundant it says see redundant.
I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.