Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.
I never did a thing in all my life, virtuous or otherwise that I didn't repent of within twenty-four hours.
Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.
Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.
The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.
You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word.
When you got to the table you couldn't go right to eating, but you had to wait for the widow to tuck down her head and grumble a little over the victuals, though there warn't really anything the matter with them. That is, nothing only everything was cooked by itself. In a barrel of odds and ends it
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
You can't make a life over. Society wouldn't let you if you would.
An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. Mark Twai
I am aware that I am very old now; but I am also aware that I have never been so young as I am now, in spirit, since I was fourteen and entertained Jim Wolf with the wasps. I am only able to perceive that I am old by a mental process; I am altogether unable to feel old in spirit. It is a pity, too,
There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.
God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.
The sole impulse which dictates and compels a man's every act: the imperious necessity of securing his own approval, in every emergency and at all costs.... It is our only spur, our whip, our goad, our impelling power; we have no other.
The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.
We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that the savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter.
Of all the unchristian beverages that ever passed my lips, Turkish coffee is the worst. The cup is small, it is smeared with grounds; the coffee is black, thick, unsavory of smell, and execrable in taste. The bottom of the cup has a muddy sediment in it half an inch deep. This goes down your throat,
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twai
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.
Golf is a good walk spoiled. Mark T
A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. Mark T