For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them weren't appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
If someone hacks your password, you can change it - as many times as you want. You can't change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.
I think the government has a role in protecting the fundamental rights of its citizens. Al Franke
You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny.
The Republican agenda is a radical vision in which Medicaid is slashed to the bone - in which we start to balance the budget on the backs of, literally, our most vulnerable citizens.
It's the Power of the Almighty, the Splendor of Nature, and then you. Al Fra
I would like a dark chocolate Almond Joy.
Changing technologies, changing marketplaces, and even changing trends in anti-competitive practices have all presented challenges to antitrust enforcement.
I want a president who can handle a cream soda.
I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.
In our political system, money is power. And that means a few can have a lot more power than the rest. That's bad news for everyone else - and for our democracy itself.
Dear Mr. Franken, It's possible that I was mistaken about this. Cheers.
It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world. Al Franke
Service dogs raise their masters' sense of well-being.
When I first started writing for television in the seventies and eighties, the Internet didn't exist, and we didn't need to worry about foreign websites illegally distributing the latest TV shows and blockbuster movies online.
When people talked about protecting their privacy when I was growing up, they were talking about protecting it from the government. They talked about unreasonable searches and seizures, about keeping the government out of their bedrooms.
The Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to corporations. Al Franke
Hey, (Rep. Lindsey) Graham is going to give some reply. Why don't you come to this press conference?
I'm sure I've devoted enough thought to Rush Limbaugh for one lifetime.
I'm crushed by the responsibility of writing a satirical book.
You might not like that Facebook shares your political opinions with Politico, but are you really going to delete all the photos, all the posts, all the connections - the presence you've spent years establishing on the world's dominant social network?
My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman. We lived in a two-bedroom, one-bath house in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. We weren't rich - but we felt secure.
If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it'd be a travesty.
The crash of 2008 was driven in no small part by unfair practices in the mortgage industry, which led to many consumers becoming trapped in loans they didn't understand and couldn't afford.
As someone who's spent time with our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan on USO tours and met wounded warriors at Walter Reed and Bethesda, I feel a deep obligation to the men and women who have risked life and limb on our behalf.
When the Constitution was written, the founders had no way of anticipating the new technologies that would evolve in the coming centuries.
Liberals don't hate America. We love America more than Ann Coulter does. I love it enough to engage my readers honestly.
Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers...Rush Limbaugh is what I call a disinfotainer. He entertains by spreading disinformation.
National security laws must protect national security. But they must also protect the public trust and preserve the ability of an informed electorate to hold its government to account.
During the Reagan Administration, Bob Dole was present at a ceremony that included each living ex-president. Looking at a tableau of Ford, Carter and Nixon, Dole said, 'There they are: Hear No Evil, See No Evil and Evil.'