If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.
Never raise your hand to your children Ã° it leaves your midsection unprotected
Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. Robert Orbe
To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.
They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people. Robert O
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.