I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.
They say that you can't live by bread alone, but I can live on compliments.
Compliments make me vain: & when I am vain, I am insolent & overbearing. It is a pity, too, because I love compliments. I love them even when they are not so. My child, I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat.
I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
I can speak French but I cannot understand it.
Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him.
If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig he
But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
All kings is mostly rapscallions, as fur as I can make out.
It has been reported that I was seriously ill--it was another man; dying--it was another man; dead--the other man again...As far as I can see, nothing remains to be reported, except that I have become a foreigner. When you hear it, don't you believe it. And don't take the trouble to deny it. Merely
Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better.
The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the mechanism of the inimitable puppets that are going to perform. How I used to laugh at Simon Tapperwit, and the Wellers, and a host more! But I can't do it now somehow; and time, it
I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.
I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted, fat, benevolent people do.
I never could do anything with figures, never had any talent for mathematics, never accomplished anything in my efforts at that rugged study, and to-day the only mathematics I know is multiplication, and the minute I get away up in that, as soon as I reach nine times seven- [He lapsed into deep thou
Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.
I never write "metropolis" for seven cents when I can write "city" and get paid the same.
I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.
I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.
I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.
Sometimes my feelings are so hot that I have to take the pen and put them out on paper to keep them from setting me afire inside; then all that ink and labor are wasted because I can't print the results