A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.

-Mark Twain
Mark Twain

Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.

Mark Twain
A gentleman is a man who can play the banjo, but doesn't.
Mark Twain

In literature imitations do not imitate.

Mark Twain
I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.
Mark Twain

The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal

Mark Twain
New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.
Mark Twain

a fully belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

Mark Twain
What's your name?" "Becky Thatcher. What's yours? Oh, I know. It's Thomas Sawyer." "That's the name they lick me by. I'm Tom when I'm good. You call me Tom, will you?" "Yes
Mark Twain

Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.

Mark Twain
Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five.