There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. Mark Twai
Figures don't lie, but liars figure.
How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
...and last but not least, reflecting my feelings on proofreading...excuse any pages on my websites that have misspelled words or grammatical errors...I'm not a proofreader of any great merit.
The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.
America cannot have an empire abroad and a Republic at home.
Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.
Don't let schooling interfere with your education. Mark Twai
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark T
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. Mark T
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.
When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable.
What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.
It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.
A distinguished man should be as particular about his last words as he is about his last breath. He should write them out on a slip of paper and take the judgment of his friends on them. He should never leave such a thing to the last hour of his life, and trust to an intellectual spurt at the last m
...the circumstances and the atmosphere always have so much to do in directing a conversation, especially a German conversation, which is only a kind of an insurrection, anyway.
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. Mark Twai
The machine has several virtues... One may lean back in his chair and work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around.
One of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it.
Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles
That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they donâ€™t know nothing about it.
Good fathers not only tell us how to live, they show us.
He is now rising from affluence to poverty. Mark Twai
But they (the infantry) had no use for boys of twelve and thirteen, and before I had a chance in another war, the desire to kill people to whom I had not been introduced had passed away.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.