Everybody's private motto: It's better to be popular than right.
The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.
The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
Life ain't about how fast you run or how high you climb, It's all about how good you bounce. A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
I never write "metropolis" for seven cents when I can write "city" and get paid the same.
All publishers are Columbuses. The successful author is their America. The reflection that they-like Columbus-didn't discover what they expected to discover, and didn't discover what they started out to discover, doesn't trouble them. All they remember is that they discovered America; they forget th
Men are more compassionate/(nobler)/magnanimous/generous than God; for men forgive their dead, but God does not.
Never mistake motion for progress.
The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it
Tight pants are just uncomfortable.
Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
The worst thing you can do to a man is to tell him he can have what he wants.
The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
The convention missionaries call "modesty" has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.
What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.
We have the best government that money can buy.
...mastery of the art and spirit of the Germanic language enables a man to travel all day in one sentence without changing cars.
Humor is like a frog; if you dissect it, it dies.
Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
If you want me to give you a two-hour presentation, I am ready today. If you want only a five-minute speech, it will take me two weeks to prepare.
I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed - in a modified way - 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance.
When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.
You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Mark T
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking an
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat.
I've never let my school interfere with my education. Mark Twai