Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.

-Mark Twain
Mark Twain

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

Mark Twain
Be good and you'll be lonesome
Mark Twain

Good fathers not only tell us how to live, they show us.

Mark Twain
No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. Mark T
Mark Twain

Your road is everything that a road ought to be...and yet you will not stay in it half a mile, for the reason that little, seductive, mysterious roads are always branching out from it on either hand, and as these curve sharply also and hide what is beyond, you cannot resist the temptation to desert your own chosen path and explore them.

Mark Twain
I thought tamarinds were made to eat, but that was probably not the idea. I ate several, and it seemed to me that they were rather sour that year. They pursed up my lips, till they resembled the stem-end of a tomato, and I had to take my sustenance through a quill for twenty-four hours. They sharpened my teeth till I could have shaved with them, and gave them a 'wire edge' that I was afraid would stay; but a citizen said 'no, it will come off when the enamel does' - which was comforting, at any rate. I found, afterward, that only strangers eat tamarinds - but they only eat them once.
Mark Twain

I wonder how much it would take to buy a soap bubble, if there were only one in the world.

Mark Twain
Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter.
Mark Twain

It liberates the vandal to travel-you never saw a bigoted, opinionated, stubborn, narrow-minded, self-conceited, almighty mean man in your life but he had stuck in one place since he was born and thought God made the world and dyspepsia and bile for his especial comfort and satisfaction.

Mark Twain
If men bore children, there would only be one born in each family.