Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.

-Mark Twain
Mark Twain

Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Mark Twain
We were surprised how closely the cuckoo imitated the clock-and yet, of course, it could never have heard a clock.
Mark Twain

I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.

Mark Twain
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Mark Twain

There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.

Mark Twain
We despise no source that can pay us a pleasing attention.
Mark Twain

The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.

Mark Twain
The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass. He can't add up three or four new circumstances together and perceive what they mean; it is beyond him. He is not capable of observing for himself; he has to get everything at second-hand. If what are miscalled the lower animals were as silly as man is, they would all perish from the earth in a year.
Mark Twain

But we are all insane, anyway. Note the mountain-climbers.

Mark Twain
We must put up with clothes as they are they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us to advertise what we wear them to conceal.