A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. Mark T
I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.
In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.
If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
The real yellow peril: Gold.
He wa'n't no common dog, he wa'n't no mongrel; he was a composite. A composite dog is a dog that is made up of all the valuable qualities that's in the dog breed-kind of a syndicate; and a mongrel is made up of all riffraff that's left over.
I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. Mark T
You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it; and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere bu
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. Mark T
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
A man may plan as much as he wants to, but nothing of consequence is likely to come of it until the magician circumstance steps in and takes the matter off his hands.
You need not expect to get your book right the first time.
When you want genuine music -- music that will come right home to you like a bad quarter, suffuse your system like strychnine whisky, go right through you like Brandreth's pills, ramify your whole constitution like the measles, and break out on your hide like the pin-feather pimples on a picked goos
The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.
Franklin said once in one of his inspired flights of malignity--Early to bed and early to riseMake a man healthy and wealth and wise.As if it were any object to a boy to be healthy and wealthy and wise on such terms.
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. Mark T
I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault - you could not hit anyth
Honor is a harder master than the law.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark T
Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.
We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie; we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.
Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.
Everybody lies...every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception.
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Tw
If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.
A mighty porterhouse steak an inch and a half thick, hot and sputtering from the griddle; dusted with fragrant pepper; enriched with little melting bits of butter of the most impeachable freshness and genuineness; the precious juices of the meat trickling out and joining the gravy, archipelagoed wit