How unfortunate and how narrowing a thing it is for a man to have wealth who makes a god of it instead of a servant

-Mark Twain
Mark Twain

The convention missionaries call "modesty" has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.

Mark Twain
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
Mark Twain

There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a miracle except the credulity that can take it at par.

Mark Twain
Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
Mark Twain

The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent.

Mark Twain
If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
Mark Twain

The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all.

Mark Twain
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
Mark Twain

God made all the animals in a single day; he could have swept them all away in the flood and re-created them in one day when they were again needed. Therefore it was an odd idea to save specimens of them for eleven months in the ark, whilst aware that eight persons could not feed or water them by any human possibility. If they were to be preserved by miracle, the ark was not necessary - to let them swim would have answered the purpose and been more indubitably miraculous.

Mark Twain
This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few - few - are they that enter in thereat has had the natural effect of making hell the only really prominent Christian community in any of the worlds; but we don't brag of this and certainly it is not proper to brag and boast that America is a Christian country when we all know that certainly five-sixths of our population could not enter in at the narrow gate.