I never let schooling interfere with my education.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. Mark Twai
I can live for two months on a good compliment. Mark Twai
How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. Mark Twai
If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. Mark Twai
Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to
Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.
I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshold of age; in 1977 I shall be 142.
I do not know what we should do without the pulpit. We could better spare the sun-the moon, anyway.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
Perhaps no poet is a conscious plagiarist, but there seems to be warrant for suspecting that there is no poet who is not at one time or another an unconscious one.
I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.
It was the most earnest ambition I ever had....Not that I ever really wanted to be a preacher, but because it never occurred to me that a preacher could be damned. It looked like a safe job.
The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.
Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment.
Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives & obscene stories.
Don't look at the world with your hands in your pockets. To write about it you have to reach out and touch it.
I told you this would happen. But, no, you had to go for the buffet, didn't you?
Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
Gold in its native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and only lowborn metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, I still go on underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
...the circumstances and the atmosphere always have so much to do in directing a conversation, especially a German conversation, which is only a kind of an insurrection, anyway.
God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.
To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement. To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself...Anybody can have ideas--the difficulty is to express them without squandering a
Today's burdens can strengthen you for tomorrow.
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