I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.

-Mark Twain
Mark Twain

It is a gratification to me to know that I am ignorant of art... Because people who understand art find nothing in pictures but blemishes...

Mark Twain
Do not offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable.
Mark Twain

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Mark Twain
Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.
Mark Twain

The two most important days if your life are the day you are born...and the day you find out why having multiple screens for your computer is so awesome because now reports and grants are like a billion times easier!

Mark Twain
People who always feel jolly, no matter where they are or what happens to them—who have the organ of hope preposterously developed—who are endowed with an uncongealable sanguine temperament—who never feel concerned about the price of corn—and who cannot, by any possibility, discover any but the bright side of a picture—are very apt to go to extremes, and exaggerate with 40-horse microscopic power.
Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark T

Mark Twain
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. See what happens when you "know it all", at any stage of life? Farther down the track you may see clearly how certain personal opinions, held onto too tightly, could be fogging up the view, and providing incorrect insight. Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Mark Twain

It is a good thing to write for the amusement of the public, but it is a far higher and nobler thing to write for their instruction, their profit, their actual and tangible benefit.

Mark Twain
God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.