I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only tto pair and a jack.
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
To believe yourself brave is to be brave; it is the one only essential thing.
Do right and you will be conspicuous.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
God made all the animals in a single day; he could have swept them all away in the flood and re-created them in one day when they were again needed. Therefore it was an odd idea to save specimens of them for eleven months in the ark, whilst aware that eight persons could not feed or water them by an
I have only one moral precept; never smoke more than five cigars at a time.
I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.
Note that venerable proverb: Children and fools always speak the truth. The deduction is plain: adults and wise persons never speak it.
Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.
If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.
I will now claim - until dispossesed - that I was the first person in the world to apply the typewriter to literature. ... The early machine was full of caprices, full of defects- devilish ones. It had as many immoralities as the machine of today has virtues. After a year or two I found that it was
Experience comes from bad judgment.
Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot; and there ain't any real difference between triplets and a insurrection. - The Babies speech 1879
Travel is lethal to prejudice.
Humor is like a frog; if you dissect it, it dies.
Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society.
I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.
Wherefore, I beseech you let the dog and the onions and these people of the strange and godless names work out their several salvations from their piteous and wonderful difficulties without help of mine, for indeed their trouble is sufficient as it is, whereas an I tried to help I should but damage
To stand still is to fall behind.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. Mark Twai
Every inventor is a crackpot until his idea succeeds.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. Mark Twai
A gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years.
A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.
By reading keep in a state of excited igorance, like a blind man in a house afire; flounder around, immensely but unintelligently interested; don't know how I got in and can't find the way out, but I'm having a booming time all to myself.Don't know what a Schelgesetzentwurf is, but I keep as excited
Sometimes I lifted a chicken that warn't roosting comfortable, and took him along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get achance, because if you don't want him yourself you can easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain't ever forgot. I never see papa when he didn't want the chicken hi