The funniest things are the forbidden.

-Mark Twain
Mark Twain

I deal with temptation by yielding to it.

Mark Twain
No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
Mark Twain

The vast majority of the race whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind at heart and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves.

Mark Twain
A country without a patent office and good patent laws is just a crab, and can't travel any way but sideways and backways.
Mark Twain

Brooklyn praise is half slander.

Mark Twain
One of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it.
Mark Twain

This morning arrives a letter from my ancient silver-mining comrade, Calvin H. Higbie, a man whom I have not seen nor had communication with for forty-four years. . . . [Footnote: Roughing It is dedicated to Higbie.] . . . I shall allow myself the privilege of copying his punctuation and his spelling, for to me they are a part of the man. He is as honest as the day is long. He is utterly simple-minded and straightforward, and his spelling and his punctuation are as simple and honest as he is himself. He makes no apology for them, and no apology is needed.

Mark Twain
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain

Today's burdens can strengthen you for tomorrow.

Mark Twain
If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.