The problem was that Panama technically belonged to Colombia, which refused to sign a treaty leasing it to the United States. So Roosevelt sent a gunboat filled with marines down to Panama, just on the off chance that a revolution might suddenly break out, and darned if one didn't, two days later. N
Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justi
There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.
The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962.
Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. Dave B
And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat. Dave B
Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into a car crash caused by trying to steer and dial at the same time; today, people do this all the time.
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can using only their hands and feet make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
My current computer, in addition to 'DOS,' has 'Windows,' which is another invention of Bill Gates, designed as a security measure to thwart those users who are somehow able to get past DOS.
By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
With a novel, you have to have a story. It's much more important to have it matter to the reader what happens to people, and it has to make sense and end in a way that is satisfying. So I spend a lot more time thinking about that. Then the writing itself usually is easier for me, because I know wher
A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. Dave Barr
If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.
DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. Dave Barr
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets- foods that have had all of their organs safely removed.
In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
When I say 'serve you better,' I mean 'increase our profits.' We newspapers are very big on profits these days.
Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing.