It was the only thing I ever really wanted. And thatâ€™s the sin that canâ€™t be forgiven--that I hadnâ€™t done what I wanted. It feels so dirty and pointless and monstrous, as one feels about insanity, because thereâ€™s no sense to it, no dignity, nothing but pain--and wasted pain...why do they always teach us that itâ€™s easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? Itâ€™s the hardest thing in the world--to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage.
When you have established that one alternative is good and the other is evil, there is no justification for the choice of a mixture. There is no justification ever for choosing any part of what you know to be evil.
She smiled. She knew she was dying. But it did not matter any longer. She had known something which no human words could ever tell and she knew it now. She had been awaiting it and she felt it, as if it had been, as if she had lived it. Life had been, if only because she had known it could be, and she felt it now as a hymn without sound, deep under the little whole that dripped red drops into the snow, deeper than that from which the red drops came. A moment or an eternity- did it matter? Life, undefeated, existed and could exist. She smiled, her last smile, to so much that had been possible.
Creation comes before distribution - or there will be nothing to distribute. The need of the creator comes before the need of any possible beneficiary. Yet we are taught to admire the second-hander who dispenses gifts he has not produced above the man who made the gifts possible. We praise an act of charity. We shrug at an act of achievement.