No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot
It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.
If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
One of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it.
A powerful agent is the right word: it lights the reader's way and makes it plain.
Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend t
There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians
Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.
Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.
an Autobiography is the truest of all books; for while it inevitably consists mainly of extinctions of the truth, shirkings of the truth, partial revealments of the truth, with hardly an instance of plain straight truth, the remorseless truth is there, between the lines, where the author-cat is raki
All I care to know about a man is that he is a human being... he can't be any worse.
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.
If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love.
We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. Mark T
I would much prefer to suffer from the clean incision of an honest lancet than from a sweetened poison.
Comedy keeps the heart sweet; but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.
Custom is petrification, nothing but dynamite can dislodge it for a century.
All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.
Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
When even the brightest mind in our world has been trained up from childhood in a superstition of any kind, it will never be possible for that mind, in its maturity, to examine sincerely, dispassionately, and conscientiously any evidence or any circumstance which shall seem to cast a doubt upon the
I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart.
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
A street in Constantinople is a picture which one ought to see once-not oftener.