A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
Great enterprises usually promise vastly more than they perform.
Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Mark Twai
Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
Let us guess that whenever we read a sentence & like it, we unconsciously store it away in our model-chamber; & it goes, with the myriad of its fellows, to the building, brick by brick, of the eventual edifice which we call our style.
As a rule we develop a borrowed European idea forward, and ... Europe develops a borrowed American idea backwards.
It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected. Mark T
Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To save his life he could not have kept two of these young creatures satisfactorily refreshed, even if he had fifteen experts to help him. Necessarily almost the enti
God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.
In religion and politics peopleâ€™s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were no
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Now when I had mastered the language of this water, and had come to know every trifling feature that bordered the great river as familiarly as I knew the letters of the alphabet, I had made a valuable acquisition. But I had lost something, too. I had lost something which could never be restored me w
I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't
The Mississippi River towns are comely, clean, well built, and pleasing to the eye, and cheering to the spirit. The Mississippi Valley is as reposeful as a dreamland, nothing worldly about it . . . nothing to hang a fret or a worry upon.
There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.
Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.
I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
A mighty porterhouse steak an inch and a half thick, hot and sputtering from the griddle; dusted with fragrant pepper; enriched with little melting bits of butter of the most impeachable freshness and genuineness; the precious juices of the meat trickling out and joining the gravy, archipelagoed wit
Stars are good too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I never can. You would be surprised to find how far off they are, for they do not look it. When they first showed last night I tried to knock some down with a pole, but it didn't reach, which astonished me. Then I tried clo
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
There are things which some people never attempt during their whole lives, but one of these is not poetry. Poetry attacks all human beings sooner or later, and, like the measles, is mild or violent according to the age of the sufferer.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. Mark Twai
They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.
You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.